Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Sensibility, over subtle sexism

This is nice for sure. I mean, at first, I thought, at first, that this article was real sweet...but then I reflected further. I realized that now that I think about this, it's not as "sweet" as it looks." Upon staunch reflection, I realized that this is rather silly and polarized, and perhaps even, insidiously unhealthy.
My "devils' advocate" viewpoint here is that I don't see why the fuss has to be centred around the fact that she's a girl, and he's a boy, who was "mean" to her, while almost practically shaming and humiliating the little boy via getting so dramatic over this while putting her up on this big fat pedestal. I suppose that view could be seen as rather negatve .. and it could be too much ..
Ok, I suppose I'm being madam cynic..and I'm sorry to rain on this sweet little articles' parade, but, I'm seeing this pattern where little boys are shamed while little girls are put on pedestals. As the mother of two developing young men, I don't think I like that.
This young man *certainly does* owe the little girl he hurt an apology, but, let's be moderate, folks. I see it as an issue regarding bullying, in general. Just bullying. Parents of a child who bullied and hurt another child, gender aside, should *indeed* follow through with some kind of formal apologetic action, in general.
"Especially a girl" says the mom. Well that's sweet, but, let's not marginalize the girls as "delicate little flowers ..oh but little boys can take shit, that's ok." No they can't. They have feelings too, when they're bullied and hurt. Little boys who get bullied risk to grow up to be very angry young men, among other things. Boys tend to internalize more, and have a harder time asking for help. Boys are at risk just as much a girls, albeit possibly in different ways.
Bottom line: If your child bullied another child, have them prepare a formal apology card, present it in person, and make sure that after reflection, the "sorry" is as sincere as possible. Teach them why. Open up the book "The Virtue Project" or just give a talk on rational morale. No flowers needed, really. No sympathy brigades..no polarization for heavens' sake .... poor immature little society.
It's like; just instil respectful empathy regarding the reason why it wasn't ok to bully, use examples to put the child in the shoes of the child they bullied, ask them how they'd feel. Give them time to think about it, but when they end up feeling badly, reassure them that although they did a bad thing which was a mistake, they're not a "bad" person, and though he/she made a mistake and hurt another, he/she now realized it and has the opportunity to correct it by properly apologizing, and not repeating the same mistake next time.
Just follow through with an empathetic, attitude correction born apology, which hones the child's newfound respect for common courtesy and ethics...and it doesn't need to be on display everywhere, either. It can be between the child who bullied, and the child who was bullied. Frankly, making a "huge deal" out of apologizing, on a superficial and dramatic level, could almost backfire when the childs' older - they may end up having relationship issues due to feeling "negative" about apologizing. This is a possible outcome.
Come people, come on society, respond to things like adults .. Not teen girls on their periods. Lol.

R.G

www.bionicrose.org 

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