Monday, May 15, 2017
It's not theirs to gaslight
It is not theirs to gaslight.
Objectivity is so important when understanding an autistic person, or one may accuse them of something offensive like a personality disorder. No. Not at the core, and never. No true autistic person is at the core. The term needs to be; Personality divergent.
Personality disordered people hurt people, and themselves, but key criteria; hurts others. In retrospect though; an autistic person may develop, due to CPTSD, pseudo personality disordered traits in a state of severe trauma or in a state of severe internalizing ableism-esque denial. A lot of our unaware and false-pridey parents echoed this behaviour, as they, often inadvertently, harmed their kids whence they saw too much of themselves in us and it scared them. Either that or our parents were NT and just didn't get us. Regardless of whether our parents and other family members were relatively clueless allistics or what I sometimes call "aspies gone bad" we can't let it cause us such bad CPTSD that we cannot functionally be.
Most of us have CPTSD, Complex post traumatic stress disorder - Awareness of it, and daily work on it, is so important. Not only that but, it is a defense against gaslighting (when someone calls you nuts, you are convinced you are, and start behaving as such) to be aware of your CPTSD. Then, you can find a balance where you don't use it as an excuse to full on lash out, but you acknowledge it as a reason for emotional slips, and ask that others be understanding (this includes trying to separate where the autism ends and CPTSD begins) while you continue to work on it.
It's not about gravelling down on your knees in apology and shame, but just some balanced humility along with self love and faith ie. self forgiveness, met partway with understanding, too. When you get into the zone of not hurting anyone (even if it's by accident again, because you yourself have been hurt), if you're inner magick becomes run from the principal of "harm none, thy will be done" then you're certainly *not* a personality disorder, or even an aspie gone bad, you're just a personality divergent and damn well magickal autist...
At that point, you have the power, you have the keys, you have the steering wheel baby, you have the magic want.. and *no one* has the right to call you a personality disorder, and if they do; State facts, walk away, don't look back; Never mind the dinosaur. This is your magickal, benevolent lair. It is not theirs to gaslight. #happyautismacceptancemonth