Wednesday, August 24, 2016

What's amiss from the hiss

*Disclaimer A*

I just took a few mins to have a "chat" with a "bully" in our housing complex (as the kids have described) .. and not in the way he was expecting I'm sure. I was tough but, with purpose. I had him admit that the reason why he does this is he feels crappy about himself inside, but that making someone else feel crappy is only going to make things double-crappy, and a bit of why. I truly think he got it..and to be honest I was just a little glassy eyed as I shut the door.

Now, not all bullies are those who feel badly because they have "weak" points. It was somewhat easy to profile this boy because he has a speech difference and some other idiosyncrasies that he's clearly very insecure about. He aims to get to others first to retain his power before anyone has the chance to possibly hurt him. I told him that's not the thing that's going to help him, and there's a better way to do it, while still being able to stand up for himself if someone does try to bully him first. I think that clicked. 

But there are some, in fact many, bullies out there who may not be worth trying to "turn around" in any way, because they don't really have anything to turn around to in the first place.. they're just like that. The only way to deal with the above is to ignore them and thus starve their sadism. It took me a long time to figure that out... or, in some cases, stand up to them formally using strong fact and evidence, if this is absolutely needed (ie. systemic bullying) 

In order to not waste time and forks, it's about being able to tell what's "amiss from the hiss" - is it from an angry and hurting hot (and thus warm) blooded alley cat, or a calculated, cold-blooded reptilian type.. ? Lol...though sometimes trying to rehabilitate the alley cat is too much for a person...but, this is just an 8 yr old kid and a 5 min sum up conversation. It's worth the forks, even though I have few. It's so much harder when nobody says anything to "that kid" for years on end and he or she then becomes a very troubled adult. 

I hope I made some kind of small impact on this kid. I know at times when I was a troubled young person I was lucky and glad that certain people did and said things to me that made an important, positive impact on me. He's not my kid and I don't know him that well, so doing any more isn't up to me. It's up to "the cosmos." So mote it be, I wish him well.

-Rosie G. 

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