Monday, August 22, 2016

Sufficiently Astute

*Disclaimer A*

I love it when people are actually sufficiently astute. There are no words to describe the relief in which that feeling brings. For someone like me, this is a few and far between occurrence. I'm sure others who are neurodivergent and/or physically "zebra" will know what I'm talking about.

When you have matters, issues, traits, challenges, and whatever else, which "diverge" from the norm of "what's known", what's documented as "typical precedent" out there, and thus what's commonly known and understood by many, because you yourself diverge from that norm...well... living isn't easy.

Being isn't easy.

This stems from the fact that, often from the very get-go, one like this suffers from lack of hospitable, lack of accomodating environments. This is because there is a gross lack of proper solutions, and thus proper conduct, in order to make the accomodations truly needed. This starts doing damage, and that damage then causes a set up for more mishaps, which then cause more damage...and it rolls along and along like scar tissue, like a viciously pungent onion.

But then the onion flowers and produces seeds.

There is a lot of this in the world right now. A lot of pungent onions burning eyes to tears and spawning flowers then seeds. It's now more than ever.

Things are changing much more rapidly, especially in the last half century. Television, and then the internet, have had a pretty huge part to play in that. Regardless, old ways are still dominating, and for this reason it's a difficult time in the world right now.

It feels like we're in some kind of dark ages, approaching an increasingly desperate need for a necessary turning point. We could compare it with medieval times unto the renaissance. We are pushing forward, albeit with painful and brutal resistance which slows us down, but regardless, it feels like we are pushing forward towards a new renaissance.

I hope that I will live to see at least the beginning of this renaissance. That'd be my "ok, now I can go" prez. I'm one of many who feels like some sort of "change-breeding warrior", who feels a handful of seeds in their hands. They are seeds of truth, and it's a truth that will sprout into a "garden of the new renaissance." As challenging and downright brutal as my life, with it's barriers, has become in many ways, and as much as sometimes I want to give up - what I'm supposed to do about those barriers is synonymous with the act of planting these seeds. So I can't give up.

There's been many times when I've wanted to smash the jar and just give up. But then I meet others who either completely get it because they live it, or are our allies. I need to constantly remind myself of what I feel I'm here for. The latter people mentioned are those who are willing to get it. Key concept: Willingness. It's the first step out from, thus saying no to,  and thus standing up to a darkly, grimly infused mind-virus of cognitive dissonance. 

That mind virus is the thing that builds, guards and reinforces a brick wall standing between humanity and change. It's a wall built by those who not only want to, but need to, remain in power because it's the very essence of their existence. At least that's what they believe.

So when we gather the strength that we need to turn the wheel of change, and that wheel approaches the thrones, or bunkers, or castles, or whatever have you - they will either back down and surrender, or perish for that belief. Either way, they have to be stood up to, because the way most of are living isn't fair, or conducive to a reasonably joyous life. 

Enough of this being taught that life "just isn't fair." I don't believe that in it's entirety.. well at least not to the extent in which we are told to "just take it."

What we need to know is that those in power (and the higher up the more so) are to blame for keeping so many of us trapped and unable to thrive, and many die this way. But what we can do as we approach the somethings-gotta-give red line is we can stand up for what we believe in, and stand up to what we are opposed to, and be, and support what we agree is right. This takes courage. This is bravery. 

So, for those who don't want to be a "seed bearer" please, consider supporting your seed bearers as we walk this path. We are often weakened, injured, very challenged, and sometimes faced with obscene, seemingly impossible barriers, because that which seeks to quash what we stand for has targeted us from the very start...and they're good at what they do.

We who are "divergent" and "zebra" need support; through people's willingness to be open minded and brave. We need love.

In retrospect, and of importance to note, is that one of the seed bearers' biggest personal battles to overcome is trauma itself. The traumas caused by the above. They poison us, and many of us succumb to them, at least initially, but we can get back up. In fact, this is an ongoing process because, as much as it sucks, the "seed bearers" are the people who will get hurt, who will experience hardship and barriers, perpetually.

Again, we are targets, we are prone. But if you can look at your hardship, your suffering, your pain, your challenges, and see them as a way to learn something about it through how you overcame it - to make something out of it, and make something better out of it, to seek the right answers to abolish it, and pass all that on - Then you have become sufficiently astute.

By the way; this is ultimately necessary, and to those who really are "seed bearing", it will, at least somehow, and in some way, come naturally. It will feel very relieving, in an important way; a way that will be "the thing" in those moments where you might want to give up. However, and in retrospect, this will not make the journey easier overall (in fact, it could up the anti in the obstacle course, on the minefield.) Sorry to somewhat disappoint with that bit.

To re-emphasize that just as importantly, there are those around who have the potential to be willing to accept unique, complex and cutting-edge people and situations for what they are. Those who are willing to go, and learn, and grasp, and perhaps pass it on to others...they do exist, and there are more than we think. Some are hard to reach though, and it'll be up to you to discern who may be, or may not be, worth your energy to potentially reach. It's a hard one and it takes a long time to properly discern. We don't want to be too open, nor too closed off...

Many people who aren't necessarily seed bearers can become supports and allies to seed bearers. Referring back to trauma and this being one of our biggest challenges; In our trauma, one common error we make is, in our cynicism, missing out on recognizing who, out there, may indeed be our potential allies. They are out there, and there are many, if approached in the right ways - in ways not energetically-dominant in depression-succumbing anger and fear. A decent number of people will likely respond positively to reasonable approaches and exertions. Some will become thorough allies. As much as I've questioned these things when in depressively dark spaces myself, deep down I believe in this. I believe that most people are good. At least at the core.

But anyways ..

I got off an a tangent. Sorry. What was my point? Oh yeah. I'm exhausted. I hurt daily, to what degree 99.9% of all folks have no idea. I am battle-scarred all over and through, and today I live profoundly disabled by it, and, I'm still faced with cruelly intense barriers before me, without having fully completed my own mission here. But I'm still able, albeit differently, because I still have to get the "seed" in the soil. The ring in the fire. Withered and frail aside, the journey must go on, somehow. So the strategies will develop in any way possible to modify things, somehow....

and I love it when other people truly are
sufficiently astute. Basically, I love it when people get it. Yep. I feel a big smile and a "boom. thank god!" and, well, there are no further words to describe that incredibly alleviating feeling. In fact, I no longer have time or energy for direct contact with anything, or anyone else, unless there is absolutely no choice in the matter..and for that last bit, I've worked hard to build necessary armour.

So mote it be.


Rosie G.

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