Journal 2014-2017. I'm an artivist/advocate, music artist, writer, mom, autist, fighting a rare/complex genetic condition (Ehlers-Danlos) on a mission to live. This is a journal of my reflections on experiences and/or discussion topics, for the purpose of social activism, self-expression/advocacy and increasing awareness. I consider myself moderate/independent, neither far left nor far right. You may not agree or understand. That's fine. Please be respectful. Enjoy.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Beauty can cause hurt and reverse discrimination
*Disclaimer A* This is in response to a comment made by my friend, we'll call him "J" ..
J: Geez, you're gorgeous! You were then, and (even with the complications that have occurred since)...you are now! No...nothing can stop a beauty like yours! It's beyond the bounds of any harshness and adversity to defeat! It is truly timeless and enduring! As you are yourself...and always will be!
R. G.: Thanks J, you're sweet. however, the flip side is that there's a terrible adverse affect of having beauty on the outside, but also being deep, and a good person at heart, as well as ill and low income. Society almost wants me to be this barbie bitch and when I won't be they have to shove me in some other, darker boxes .. There's a lot of disbelief and harsh pathologizing when someone looks well and pretty but is ill, it can work against, and people, especially women, hate you and are cruel to you for no good reason. You walk around apologizing for making THEM feel insecure. They don't even give your inside a chance. They just off the bat hate and have disdain. That's the reverse affects and I've been hurt by them throughout life - but of course I can't even talk about them because that would be "bragging" right?..
but I will no longer accept the gas lighting-born narcissism accusations, and being treated as and held to some archetype that isn't me - I will NO longer let other people make me feel guilty for being me, or be overly nice to other women to try and get them to like me I can clearly feel that they're jealous. I picked up on all that stuff my whole life and it hurts. I would let the "mean girls" abuse me just to get them to like me. I did things for people that I should have never allowed myself to do. But I'm sick of letting it have me like some abused kitten walking around with my head down. No more. it's music time.
J: Oh my. That sounds quite unfortunate. But, I guess that's just the harsh reality of the life of a particularly unique lady like yourself! The kind of rough reality that a guy like me can't really get an accurate sense of, from his own isolated corner of existence. I feel for you, my dear! I really do (well, in so far as I am capable of doing so, of course)! That sucks! Though, you've gotten through it! And the success of surmounting such obstacles really shows on your face! Indeed, it shines through your very presence, with all it's bright glowing energy! So, I'd say the struggle has been worth it, if anything! Besides, if you've managed to handle the pains and travails of that most insidious ailment of recent years, and so far consistently come out on top, with that glowing smile, and winning personality of yours remaining intact (if not more noticeable then ever)...then I'd say those pathetic naysayers and emotional manipulators out there should be little more than a petty nuisance! A nuisance to be promptly brushed off without a second thought! For that is all these "people" are in the larger scheme of things...but dust in the wind! Indeed, let all the doubters, the haters, and especially the gaslighters (ugh! Those ones are the worst) be damned! You've got bigger fish to fry! And, make no mistake...you will fry them...and look amazing while you're doing it! For, with each obstacle you surpass, your personality only becomes more filled with that unmistakable lively spirit which is so unique to you! Yes! There will be no more from these pathetic losers who've felt they have the right to drag you down, when you were meant to fly! Yes! As you said...it's music time! Now keep making that magical music that you make, my friend! It's a true gift you have there (besides all the many others you possess, of course)! Something so many of these folks could never hope to have! Always remember that! Stay strong, girl...always!